Maximum Blogage

A thing about Gaza

The complexities of the Gaza/Israel conflict and the politics of the Middle East in general are probably beyond a humble customer service adviser like me. I’m know so little about the region I had to make sure before I used capital letters when writing the phrase, ‘the Middle East.’ I am that ignorant. One thing I do know, however, is that killing children is wrong.

You’d think that was obvious conclusion to make but two groups believe otherwise, 1] the governments of the west, 2] old people with well maintained gardens. The latter probably have a point.

 

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‘He worked hard on that you little shits. Play in the park.’

However, much less justified is the killing of Palestinian children. The argument is that Israel has the ability to defend itself.  And it does. Every nation does. Nevertheless, when you look at the facts, when you look at the death toll on both sides, it’s clear this is most ridiculous use of the self defense argument since Steven Gerrard beat up that DJ.  

The recent outbreak in violence was a response to the murder of three Israeli teenagers. A complete tragedy and your heart has to go out to their families. It’s just not something that can be used to excuse the deaths of over a thousand innocent people. It’s like responding to a jab in the arm by stabbing your attacker 13 times in the heart, murdering their whole family and fucking their dog. Especially when we now know Hamas wasn’t involved in the murder of those kids.  

Israel’s action in this particular conflict is even starting to draw criticism for their biggest supporters, the United States.  President Obama………………’s press secretary condemned a bombing of a United Nations school but since they also sent them a bunch of shiny new rockets you would have to question how serious the condemnation is. Their plan seems to be similar to a parent who catches their kid smoking so forces him to finish the pack; they expect Israel to bomb themselves out. It’s a good plan, unless you live in Gaza.

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‘Son, the best way to beat this highly addictive drug is to take as much of it as you can.’

What’s strange is the reaction in Northern Ireland. Allegiances are split down sectarian lines because if there is one thing we love in Northern Ireland it is a bit of sectarianism, even if it somebody else’s. There was actually a clash between protests the other week. In fairness though, Willie Fraser led one of the protests. Willie could start a fight in an empty room, provided he thought that room had republican sympathies.

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‘It’s door was painted green and was pointing south.’

 It’s somewhat understandable; people have drawn parallels between Nationalists and Gaza and between Unionists and Israel. I say sort of because 1,841 civilians died during the entirety of Troubles, current estimates put the death toll in Gaza at north of 1,400. That’s all the suffering of nearly 30 years of war condensed into just a few weeks. We are like not them; we have had it far easier.

So I go back to my original, stop trying to understand a millennium old conflict, stop acting like we’re just like Gaza or Israel and just agree that killing children is wrong. When we do that we can pressurize our governments to stop Israel from doing it.  

 

 

 

Anonymous asked: Hi Tom, why does Marvel continue to step on traditional white American values by allowing forced "diversity" where it isn't asked for or needed? I thought comics were for children, not for selling liberal political ideals. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Race-mixing is un-Christian and this is a Christian nation.

brevoortformspring:

I don’t even know where to start on this one.

Isn’t “Love Thy Neighbor” about the most core Christian value there is?

Time machine takes fifthteen years to travel twenty years into the future

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The world’s first time traveller has embarked on his fifteen year journey to twenty years in the future, it has been announced.

Chosen for the mission is US Air Force Pilot Captain Louie Thomson, who could barely contain his excitement for the mission. ‘When I was a small child I often wondered what the future would be like. Will we have hover cars in the year 2032? Will we have moved passed our petty differences and created a world united in peace? The chance to know these things in three quarters of the time it would normally take was too big an opportunity to miss out on.’

The creator of the time machine, Professor Fraction, said that the mission almost didn’t happen. ‘As we were putting the final touches to the device, a duplicate of the device materialized and Capt. Thomson, thirty years older, hopped out. He was screaming about how I would use my genius to enslave the world and how saving mankind from me would be the only thing to make his thirty years of personal hell worth it. Luckily we managed to kill him before he could make too much noise. Then we went out for drinks to celebrate the proof that the machine worked and my eventual world domination. Muhahaha!’

Review of One Direction: This Is Us.

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Despite an interesting Mise En Scéne that draws inspiration from German Expressionism, Morgan Spurlock’s dystopian musical suffers from a muddled plot and poor characterization. While his decision to create five detestable lead characters is to be applauded in the way it echoes French New Wave and New Hollywood cinema, it confuses an audience more used to modern American, mainstream fare. It runs out of ideas in the third act and what starts as intellectual nourishment quickly gives way to generic twists, tedious resolutions and ultimately disappointment given the high expectations of the moving going public.

Quadriplegic’s to be put to work

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New plans to cut down benefits costs include putting Quadriplegic’s to work, it emerged last night. It is also expected that many will lose the social workers who care for them. A Government minister defended the bill, “We gave National Quadriplegic Association a change to raise concerns. We had a meeting with them but not one put their hand up to argue against it.”
Amongst the jobs they will take up include, doors, book cases and ramps for paraplegics. “I think they will be happy to contribute to the Big Society,” said David Cameron, “When they were told they couldn’t move for excitement.”
Doris Jay, a quadriplegic for the past ten years, used a Star Trek inspirited communication device to tell us in Morse code, “I can’t speak, I can’t move. Please don’t make me do this. PLEASE!” Although a Government translator suggested just was actually just asking for a stick of Wrigley Blue Extra Gum stick.

ITV 2 An Instrument of The Devil

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The schedule on the digital channel is pure evil, it has been revealed. The discovery was made by Father Timothy Earl. ‘I was just making up the latest patch of my famous Holy Water, old family recipe, when I spilt some on the TV guide. It rolled across the other channel columns as normal but the second it touched the ‘P’ on Peter Andre – My Life it burst into flames.’

After conducting an investigation a spokesperson for Ofcom said, “How did we let this stuff on the air in the first place? Jordan encouraging young girls to be sluts? I was scared shitless when I saw Keith Lemon’s eyes. Those are the eyes of a serial rapist of ever I saw one. And documentaries by Fearne Cotton? The one Holly Willoughby uses to sound clever? We will put a stop… That is to say that the ITV 2 schedule is terrific. Each programme a joy. Hail Satan. I mean Santa.’

Emerging from an orgy in which he devoured the flesh of an innocent virgin the ITV2 commissioner defended his content, ‘My relationship with Satan is strictly personal. He’s actually a really nice guy. He has this thing where he keeps asking for my first born…ah you don’t want to hear about that. ’

Facebook page fails to end all human suffering

A page set up on social media site facebook.com asking members to ‘click like for world peace’ has not saved the planet despite reaching 5,000 likes in three days.

With news coverage becoming ever more bombastic it is becoming harder for to ignore the tragedies being committed around the globe, prompting people like page administrator Joseph Heinburg to act. 'I was sat on twitter one day and my feed was being clogged up by some war somewhere. I knew then I needed to help.’

But Heinburg was presented with a problem, 'My Mum was coming round for tea that night so I couldn’t actually leave the flat so I needed to help without leaving my bed but there was nothing I could to do with twitters 140 characters. So I logged on facebook instead. I sent the page to all my friends – 240, I’m that popular – most of them liked it straight away and for a moment it looked like I might end the war by tea time. But they just kept on fighting and killing, like my page was meaningless. You would have thought it was a google + page given how little attention it got’

Lesley Hooper, 14, was one of the users who clicked like, 'I usually quite stingy with my likes, it took until his fourth live performance before I liked James Arthur’s page but I liked this, and the other 47 world peace pages, right away. It even took me ages because my internet is really slow because my Mum won’t get BT infinity because she’s selfish and she hates me and is the worst Mum ever and my life sucks more than anyone else’s life in the world right now.’

'It makes the future of social media look bleak,’ argued Heinburg. 'If the Governments of the world don’t listen to us now then it will eventually just become a place for people to waste time and only act like they care.’

Child gains concept of death

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Katie Davies, a three year old, today became aware that one day she would die and cease to exist. The news that her life was an inconsequential blip in the history of the universe came as a shock to the girl, who until now believed everyone would stay as young and as perfect as they are today for eternity.

The realization followed the death of her goldfish, who slumped lifeless in her hand as she took it for a walk. After the mourning party departed, Katie was taken aside by her mother, who informed her of her inevitable demise. Her mother explained that Katie would never see her goldfish again, it had left the mortal coil and that it happens to every living creature, even, one day, Katie. She told Katie that eventually The Sun would swell and swallow the Earth, that every star in the night sky will extinguish, that the planets will turn to dust and eventually the universe will be a giant hole of pure nothingness.

Since that talk, young Katie has not left her room; she has barely eaten and rarely sleeps. She now spends her time staring into space, speaking only to ask the purpose of her existential nightmare.